Monday, January 24, 2005

Why don't we start by you telling me what you want me to say

I've decided that I'm tired of defending the logistics of my relationship to people who 1. Don't know me very well, or 2. Don't spend any time with Matt and I as a couple.

I've been having a lot of relationship conversations with people lately, which tend to stem from me bringing up our vacation plans for next month. Let's pretend I'm having a conversation with "Joe". This is generally what happens:

J: Hey Kim, how've you been doing?
M: Oh, good - Anxious for next month's vacation!
J: Oh yeah? What's the plan?
M: Matt and I are going up to Vancouver for a week!
J: That's sweet. How long have you two been together? It's been awhile, hasn't it?
M: 2 years next month.
J: Wow, has it been that long?
M: Mmm.
J: So, any talk of a ring?(or "any thoughts of marriage?"...Etc; You get the idea)
M: No, not really (Casually)
J: Hmm. Really? (Shocked expression ensues)

Now, this is where things get tricky. I've tried all sorts of responses in attempt to close the conversation while reassuring Joe that things are just fine, but nothing seems to be working so far. I've tried explaining that Matt and I are really laid back about our relationship and we're in no rush. I've even tried making conversation light; saying something to the effect of "We're too busy having fun right now to think about getting married." If I try this method with Joe, he then accuses me of thinking that the fun ends with marriage, which usually results in Joe giving a lecture, in an effort to rewire my brain to think differently.

I've thought about letting Joe end the conversation with the look of shock so that I can just walk away, but I'm fairly certain that such an action would just reinforce Joe's impression that I'm not content with my situation, and that behind closed doors Matt and I chase each other around the house with frying pans and butter knives.

I actually started to think there was something wrong with me for not trying to coax Matt into marriage or not window shopping for fluffy white dresses. Then I realized that none of these people spend time with Matt and I together. If they had, they would realize that we have a very wonderful and rare relationship which is incredibly solid.

Sure we have tense moments; I insist on living out of a laundry basket rather than just putting my clothes away, and Matt doesn't unball his socks when he takes them off. I don't always floss my teeth, and Matt doesn't refill the soap dispenser at the bathroom sink. Yes, these things do drive us crazy sometimes, but we have enough love and good times to more than balance things out, and I'm sure our relationship will continue to be fantastic whether I have a monopolized piece of glass on my hand or not.


price of goo said...

That's absolutely right. Except that not flossing is gross and I refilled the soap dispenser last night, which makes this the SECOND TIME I REFILLED IT! HA! So I'm righter than you.

Kim said...

I really don't think you want to compare notes, dear.

Castor said...

Carie and I are comming up on 5 years with no intent to marry... it sucks... typical family statment: You had better hurry up and marry her... response: Why, am I in a race? For friends I am just flat honest and explain that I have no intention of getting married... to married folks who take the offensive I begin a slightly maniacle ranting about personal freedom adn commitments and the states desire to control folks... within a few moments of this one of two things happens... they suddenly feel very constricted and manipulated by both their environment and their significant other which is delicious because then they go home and fight :) or they figure I am hopless and wonder how I got such a cute girl which is also fine ;) Once in a while I will respond with a simple "she wont marry me until I promise not to sleep around or hit her anymore... Im just not ready for that kind of commitment yet." If delivered deadpan serious followed by a quick subject change it will insure they dont ask anymore stupid questions that are none of their business. :)