Hey guys! Guys??

Where are Nate and Brian? We miss you! Happy hour has been nonexistent since you left. Send an email!

Fellow bloggers beware!

As my good friend Traci has learned, if I reap enjoyment from reading your blog, I will harass you if it doesn't get updated!  Lucky for Traci, we work together, so I can send her really neat Outlook meeting planners with "update your blog" requests. 

Dangerous desires

I was sitting at my desk this afternoon and acquired an enormous craving for cheddar/sour cream Ruffles (they have ridges, y'know).  Of course, the vending machine on my floor was all out, so I ran down to the 3rd floor to grab a bag.  On the way back up the stairs, one of my sandals caught on a step, and I went down with a squeak and a thud.  Two "suits" were standing by the stairwell, and they just turned to stare at me while I re-composed myself. 

Yes, it hurt a little.  My toes, knees, hands and pride are all a little bruised.  But, damn those chips were worth it. 

Another chance meeting.

Matt took me to a very nice dinner for my birthday on Saturday.  If you're ever in Seattle and want a treat, go here.

We were walking across the street to the restaurant, and I had a highly entertaining conversation with a woman who was walking in the opposite direction:

Her - Nice dress.
Me - Thank you.
Her - You're welcome, Bitch!

The moment that last word exited her mouth, I recognized her.  I looked right at Matt and said, "Wow!  I've run into her before!  I remember her complimenting me on something, and then calling me a bitch!". 

That moment totally made my birthday.

I could do this all day

Go here when Tetris just won't cut it anymore.

I giggle every time!

I was just reading through some old email and ran across one that Matt send me last year; I had just informed him that I would be in a new-hire orientation all week:

Orientation is one of the upcoming challenges on the next Fear Factor. The last person awake wins $50,000. The rest have to eat bees.

I want pie NOW!

This is my new favorite website.

In my opinion...

1.  If you take an infant to a movie theatre, you are a bad parent.
 
2.  If you let and infant cry through the entire movie, you are a bad movie-goer. 

3.  If you take a toddler to a horror movie when they are old enough to understand the images on the screen, you are even worse.

And she's at it again...

Do you think  I would still have health coverage if I acquired carpal tunnel from playing Tetris at work?

Hmm

This morning at breakfast, Matt and I had one of our more entertaining conversations.
 
Me: So, what would you do if I suddenly went crazy one day, and I became one of those ladies who walks around downtown and yells at people for no apparent reason?
 
Him: I would throw you away.
 
Me: Huh.
 
Him: No, I would have you admitted into a mental institution.  No, wait!  I would just make sure that you were really hopped up on drugs all the time!
 
Me: You're having a lot of fun with this, aren't you?
 
Him:  What would you do if I became one of those guys who walked around the neighborhood with my robe falling open, mumbling to myself?
 
Me: Eat your toast.

You learn something new every day!

So, we called the plumber back about our sink issue yesterday.  It turns out that sometimes when a plumber does really intense work, such as replacing a bunch of pipes, the disruption can cause rust and deposits to drop into the lines, and when you turn on the water, all of that stuff gets flushed to the end of the faucet, blocking the water flow.  Sure enough, Matt removes the end of the faucet, and there's a bunch of crusty crap in the filter.  This is a good thing to know, considering the calls I get at work! 

Hug your local plumber (or make him come back when he makes things worse)

I'm not a big fan of showering at work.  My home shower drain was getting pretty slow, so like a good consumer, I used drain cleaner on Monday.  Tuesday I followed the directions on the bottle, and tried drain cleaner a second time.  Nothing. I found out yesterday that most of the time, drain cleaner crystallizes, and completely stops up your drain.  Wish I had known that on Monday or Tuesday.   Wednesday I snaked the drain.  Yesterday a plumber came out, and worked under the house, replacing most of the horrendously old plumbing.  I had a nice collection of pipes sitting by my garbage can when he was done, 3 hours later.  Apparently there was years of nastiness built up in the plumbing...Makes me wonder if my landlord ever had maintenance done. 
 
After the plumber left, Matt and I were having a lovely time playing with the tub water, watching it go down the drain, in amazement.  Then we turned the sink faucet on, and noted that hot and cold were both coming out in barely a trickle...time to call our local plumber again.
 
On a positive note, I felt incredibly lucky to have a gym at work with a shower this week .

Mental Note:

In the future, if I'm trying to drink out of a large bottle, I will be more careful if it's mostly empty.  I think if practice this, I'll avoid dousing myself with water.

The adventures of Adventure Cat: Part II

An excerpt from today's "Mom" email:

Adventure Cat was quite upset with us late yesterday afternoon. We decided to change her bedding for her. The kids and I removed the kittens and Adventure cat then I quickly placed a clean sheet in for them before replacing the kittens. Adventure Cat was big time miffed! She mewed and threw quite the tizzy. She then moved the kittens to an undesirable spot where we had plastic bags stored. Then she got mad because we removed the plastic bags and put the kittens back in their original home. After yelling at all of us then yelling real loud at Nathan and chasing him away from the area she moved one kitten to a small box that really wasn't even big enough for just her. She then proceeded to lay on top of the kitten and refused to budge! I got another box together for her and moved it under the chair near where she wanted to be and placed the kitten in it. She hopped in and seemed content until the other kittens started crying for her. She then poked her head out and mewed at me so I brought the others to her. They're all happily abiding in their new home and we will wait plenty of time before attempting to change the bedding for her again.

The adventures of Adventure Cat!

An email from Mom:

Later in the day I headed out to the garden to see how it was going. Out came the kids all excited. Adventure Cat was going to have babies and Daddy was having problems. I came back in and found Daniel on his hands and knees trying to extract Adventure Cat from a less than desirable area. We finally, after much coaxing and rearranging convinced her to settle for a better spot. That poor cat had one heck of a time! At one point, shortly before popping the first one out somehow managed to jump out of her box and come looking for me. That poor cat could barely keep her hind end off the floor! She was squatting, having contractions and begging me to help to help her. We managed to get her back in the box then the kids and I took turns keeping her company. Lindsay saw the first two being born and Nathan and I saw the last one being born. A most painful experience for the new Mama. Last night she kept trying to take little breaks but every time she'd take a couple steps away the kittens would start crying. She was actually grumbling (almost a growl) on her way back a couple times. LOL Grrrr, durn kids! She was thrilled to see us all emerge from the bedroom this morning and immediately came out to get us and lead us back to her box so we could take turns keeping her company again.

Breakfast in a hurry...

I just went to the restroom, and saw something interesting. There was a random trail of raisin bran leading to the end stall. Said stall is nick-named the "poo stall", on account of the fact that it's out of the way, so it's where the girls go to, well...you know.

I'm strangely relieved that there weren't milk spills on the floor.

Wishful thinking...

So, I was in the shower this morning, and thought...

What if I baked cookies for John Kerry? I could send him a batch of chocolate chip, or maybe peanut butter, with a little note, wishing him luck on the election. THEN...he would call me up and tell me how wonderful the cookies were, and ask me to be his "election baker". My first assignment would be to bake a gagillion cookies for his next public speech. I would have to decline, "That's a really great offer senator, but my little kitchen simply can't handle that much business at once". "Not to worry, my dear!" He would respond, "You can move into my mansion where we'll build you a large commercial kitchen, and we also plan to provide you with an assistant baker."

Wow...that was a really good daydream...I just added the assistant part in while I was typing this.

An email from mom

Below is an excerpt from an email that I received from my mother. She is remarried with two small kids, whom she is teaching to read:

First stop was the cigarette store. Daniel ran in while the kids and I waited in the car. While he was in there a pickup pulled up and parked next to it. It had a decal on the side which Nathan immediately set to reading. "GGG Go-o-o-od, God! BBB-Bl-Bl-ble-ble-bless,Bless! God Bless! Aa ammm-ammmeee-amerrriiii-amerriic-amerriic-amerriicaaa-America! God Bless America!" He's an American! Lindsay then chimed in "He's an American! He has an American car! See! He has an American Flag!" They were both so excited to be parked next to an American with an American car! When he came out I was tempted to thank him for keeping my kids busy :-)

Oops!

My daily routine consists of receiving calls from restaurants with facilities issues...Anything from plumbing to air conditioning problems. If it can fall apart, they call me about it. I generally try to do basic troubleshooting over the phone (don't touch the blue wire), and if we can't fix it, I dispatch a technician to go take a look. I was perusing through some old calls, and I came across this one:

Plumbing - Women's restroom sink ripped off the wall. Store saw a man and a woman enter the bathroom, then heard a loud crash shortly thereafter. No water leaks.

John Kerry speaks in Ohio

Courtesy of b-may and My Way News:

"We've got better vision, better ideas, real plans. We've got a better sense of what's happening to America - and we've got better hair."

A letter to my cat

Hey there, Cricket.

So sorry about all the noise on Sunday. I know those fireworks couldn't have been fun for you, but it's been two days, so could you please come out of the litter box now?

Sincerely, Kim

Oh, wow...

I have the worst breath ever right now. I can't do anything about it at the moment. We're short-staffed today, and I can't really leave my desk until Steven comes back from his lunch. The problem is, I didn't realize how horrible my situation was until he had just left. Of course, when I realize something like this, I have to try and figure it out. Lemme see...coffee, Chinese food, mouth-breathing while zoning out to Tetris. Yup. 30 minutes left of atrocious breath. Great.

Observation of the day

The person in the cubicle next to mine just poured himself cereal. Have you ever paid attention when someone was preparing a bowl of cereal? So you pour the milk on top, right? Then you have to pat the flakes down with your spoon - maybe stir them around a bit. I always thought the flakes sounded like tinfoil.

I'll take 2...

Matt, if you're reading this, I apologize...But it's so pretty. (Go to gallery 4, then click on the picture 5 rows down, on the far right.)

So, like, y'know?

Overheard conversation involving two girls walking down the street:

G1: Man! My skin is totally falling off from the sunburn I got last weekend!
G2: Really? You should do what I do. I never peel after a burn.
G1: Wow...What's that?
G2: Well, I always use aloe vera.
G1: Hmm.
G2: Okay, so, during the first few days, when the burn is really bad? You want to cover yourself in aloe in the morning and at night. Or twice a day or whatever, kay?
G1: Uh-Huh.
G2: Then, after the burn has gone down a bit, you only do the aloe thing in the morning, or just less than twice a day.
G1: Yeah.
G2: So, that's what I do, y'know?

Overheard conversation involving a man on the bus and no one else:

Man: Y'know what that Krispy Kreme ought to do?
Everyone else:....
Man: They should get a sign; one of those signs like McDonald's got, that says how many hamburgers they've sold.
Everyone else:....
Man: They sell over a billion donuts a year, y'know?
Everyone else:....
Man: That's a lot of donuts.
Everyone else:....
Man: They're not even that good!
Everyone else:....

I love public transportation!

I think that I'm more aware of the people on the bus now that I'm posting my thoughts online...They provide such great material! Yesterday someone moved from their spot 2 seats down from me, to sit right next to me. For no particular reason - he didn't even try to start a conversation. He was a really sweaty bike-rider, and it grossed me out. This in turn prompted me to hold onto the metal pole, so as not to accidentally bump into "sweaty biker guy" if the bus lurched to a stop. A few moments later, someone else boarded the bus. We'll call him "sweat-pants man". When "sweat-pants man" got on the bus, there were tons of empty seats. He opted to stand right in front of me, and lean against the pole, in such a way that his ass was right above my hand. I was wedged between "sweaty biker guy" and "sweat-pants man". Ugh.

Now, I'm not overly sensitive about personal space. You really can't be on public transportation. But c'mon people!