Text Message Conversation

Me: A black man just told me that I was "Juicy". From now on, I only respond to "Badonkachu".

Me: Badonkachu loves you!

Nick: Man Bear love you!

Consumerism!

Alright. Those of you who know me at all realize that I almost never wear makeup. I'm a chapstick and moisturizer girl. So, as I'm sure you can all imagine, I was pretty shocked when I fell in love with this. Seriously, this stuff is awesome, People. It really is. I tried it out last night, and found that it gave me that shiny-pouty-supersexy-celebrity look that so many glosses advertise but don't deliver. Not only that, but it didn't dry my lips like most lipsticks, AND I still had sparkly lips in the morning! I felt like I was in a movie - minus the great hair. Well, my hair was truly fantastic, but not in a go-out-in-public way.

Since I'm a bit of a minimalist, I bought the lightest color I could find. I thought it was going to be a bit too reminiscent of my Tinkerbell makeup kit days, but it was actually quite nice. Very subtle color with a hint of sparkle.

So Ladies, Go! Buy! Gloss!

I Know What You Ate Last Summer

My boss just asked me for ideas on what to serve to her mother-in-law for dinner tonight. This is what I came up with:

• Salmon, topped with thin slices of lemon, grilled in foil
• Small red potatoes, halved, boiled just slightly, sauteed with lemon thyme and garlic
• Steamed asparagus topped with caramelized pancetta and shallots

What are YOU having for dinner?

Walk it Off!

Nick and I went backpacking this weekend! We stayed at Lake Ozette on Friday night, then woke up Saturday morning and hiked 3 miles to the coast, where we camped Saturday night, then hiked the 3 miles back to the car and drove home. Seems like a pretty easy jaunt, no? Try it with 30 pounds of gear strapped to your back, Wuss.

Despite being pretty sore, it was a great trip!

Technical Difficulties

Anyone have an idea of how to change the archive options for posts? I want to set my sidebar archive list up so that it doesn't condense by year...I want month and year listed out, without having to expand by clicking on the arrows. I have my formatting info set up correctly as far as I can tell, but for some reason it's not showing up the way I want.

Boo.

Posted Outside My Office

TERROR THREAT LEVEL:

ORANGE

Kim is in a ridiculously bad mood today
(and no, she does not want to talk about it)

Pterodactyl Noises Are on The Rise

This morning Nick told me that I'm "comically grumpy" in the morning.

Ass.

Social Networking Takes a Turn For The Better

The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

Lester Bangs

Found an old friend on MySpace! Erin was my best friend in my younger years - Junior high through the first part of high school. A few months before my 16th birthday I moved to Seattle to live with my dad. Unfortunately this is not a great age to make a big move, because the tendency is definitely not to stay in touch with your good friends. Lucky for us, over 10 years later, we're back in touch!

In hindsight, Erin and I were probably the un-coolest people I knew at the time. I don't mean this to be down on myself, and certainly not Erin, but seriously...it was pretty bad. You should have seen the hair styles.

The great thing about our friendship is that I didn't realize we weren't cool when I was around Erin. When I was at school, I was very very aware of this fact, but when we were hanging out, we were just having fun, and trends, etc, didn't matter much.

Erin is getting married next week! I'm really excited to go to the wedding, and even more excited to see my old friend. I have to admit though, it's going to be a little bit strange. I remember planning our weddings when we were young. For some reason neither of us remember much about Erin's nuptials, but my wedding was going to be held at her house, my colors were going to be green and ivory, and I was planning to marry her brother.

She recently confided to me that her wedding colors are going to be green and ivory. I had it first, people - Don't you forget that.

I guess I could always go with purple and red....

Jacked In

I'm starting to get tired of all of the invites everyone is sending me for various networking, friend-making-finding, time-wasting websites. Seriously, People. I have a blog, a flickr account, and a myspace page. I'm very content, so please leave me the crap alone. Jeeez.

So....GO!

http://www.myspace.com/27289350

Ahem. Apparently Flickr is taking a bit of a vacation. Slightly inconvenient, but we'll be fine. Check back later for that link...or go to one of my older posts with an image and click on that to see my photos.

La.

The Truth is Out There

Ever found out that what you believed to be true about yourself, your entire life, is completely false? Traumatized much?

Nick and I were having a conversation recently about social security numbers and what the numbers mean. He was saying that the first 3 digits are based on geography - which I shot down, based on the fact that I was born in Oregon, and a mutual friend of ours, also born in Oregon, has a completely different set of first three digits. To settle this once and for all, I looked it up in Wikipedia, and found out that Nick was right. The first 3 digits of your "sosh" are based on geography. Wikipedia, being completely thorough and all, had an actual chart that went over each sequence of numbers and what state they originate from. Apparently my social security number was acquired in, are you ready for this?, KANSAS. Jeez.

I grew up in the midwest...this is not a surprise to me or anyone else I know. Or, it seems, to the guy at Macy's who sold me a mattress. (during the course of conversation, he says, "you're not originally from here, are you?" I get that a lot.) Regardless of the fact that the Kansas part is not a surprise, my social security number being from there is!

Not the end of the world, not even a big deal, at all...but really strange to find out you were wrong all along, despite how small the findings.

Dood.

For a good time:

1. Watch Reefer Madness
2. Order pizza

I'm Not Depressed, My Bed is Just Really Comfortable

I bought a new bed this last weekend, and it effing rocks! Seriously, you don't even know. It's so so so so comfortable that I never want to get out of it. If I didn't have so much damn laundry to do last night, I probably would have sat in my bed all evening and just basked in it's glory. I don't want to get out of it in the morning, and I think about it all day at work. When I get home, I want to sit in it and order delivery. Then I want to eat dinner while sitting on it.

It's a queen sized quilted plush top. Not only is this the most comfortable bed EVER, but I also got the hottest deal on the planet. Seriously...this deal nearly rocked my face off. I went to many places last weekend, including Macy's, which was having a sale. The salesman showed me a few sets that were waaaaay out of my price range, and then after I set him straight, several in my price range. The final set he showed me was a floor model that they had on clearance because the model had been discontinued. The original price was $1709. The final price, the price that I paid for this mattress set, I'm not even kidding here, was $499.50.

Wanna come over and look at it?

The Man

Hot For an Old Guy has a MySpace page! Listen to Elbow Room and try to convince me that he's not hot.

Your Place is Now in The Kitchen

Dinner Nick made for me last night:

1. Baked pork tenderloin coated in a thyme dijon glaze with a gorgonzola cream sauce
2. Asparagus with bacon and carmelized onion with a lemon walnut oil dressing
3. Ice cream sundaes

And....Go.

Thoughts on the new template? Too busy?

Morning Chat

Text message conversation which took place at 730am:

Nick: Good morning sleepy face! I love you! Don't forget to get up!
Me: I'm already on the bus!
Nick: Whoa! Who are you???
Me: I'm "Get To Work On Time Girl". My superpower is fastest shower west of the Mississippi.

Don't Judge Me - We Both Know You Were Thinking The Same Thing

The Communist Pagan in me was very tempted to steal flowers from the entrance of the office park that I work in today.

Happy May Day, everyone!

I Was Getting So Good at Budgeting!

Who knew that such a wonderful and ridiculously sweet person could be such a horrible influence????

My good friend "Purple" Kim (or Kim2) has gotten me back into beading. Back story: I was really into making bead jewelry when I was like, 15. Not a great age to be acquiring new interests, because that's the same age that you get bored easily and generally drop your hobbies, even if you're really good at them. Ever seen my collection of sketches from that same age? Case in point.

Kim gets together with other people who do a variety of crafty things on a regular basis, and they take over a conference room at her office for a few hours. Most of the girls who show up are beaders - some of which make a side or even primary income on their amazing creations.

I try to make it out every once in awhile, because this is the best way to see everyone. I don't bead - haven't since I was 15. However, this last visit left me nostalgic. I had a hair appointment that afternoon, and there happens to be a bead shop right around the corner from my salon. I went. I bought beads. Doesn't seem so bad right? Things have changed a bit since I was 15. There are new, highly necessary things to own! Tweezers are no longer an acceptible tool of the trade! It's no longer out of the question to spend $100 on beading supplies!

It gets worse, Kids. Yes yes.

This afternoon I was creating something interesting with my $100 worth of impulse buys, when Nick and I decided to barbeque for dinner. Nick is out of charcoal, so we're planning a trip to the store. Suddenly I have one of those unfortunate "bright" ideas.

Me: Hey Honey, how would you feel about going to Capitol Hill to do our shopping?
Nick: (Does not live near Capitol Hill) Um, why?
Me: 'Cuz there's a bead store there.
Nick: Kay...
Me: I don't have the right stuff for what I'm working on!!!

This necklace is going to be so hot.

Who Have I Become?????

Things I never thought I would hear myself say:

1. I'm really enjoying my job, but I'd like to expand my skills in accounting. If I bought some books and took online bookkeeping/accounting courses, would the company give a partial reimbursement?

2. What about HTML???

3. Gawd that incense is strong; Can we move it to another room???

4. I don't know how I ever survived without email and a cell phone. And EVITE.

5. I know it's late, and I should go to bed, but this Mozart is ROCKING MY FACE OFF. BOO-YAH.

Better Things, Here I Come!

6 months on the new job, and got myself a pretty little raise. Now I'm making the same amount as when I left my last job of 4 years. After 6 months.

Recognize.

New Hobby!

I went skiing for the first time this weekend, and I'm SO hooked. Made it up to the intermediate run by the 2nd hour. Nick says I'm a "natural", but he might be a little biased....

Congratulations!

Congratulations; Jury service is one of the fundamental rights, privileges and duties of participation in a democratic society.

Dood. Jury Duty. Yesss. Seriously - I've always wanted to get this notice. I hear people complain about jury duty, but usually it's about how they sat in a room for 2 days only to be sent home with $20. The company that I work for will still pay me, so the cash isn't an issue (extra latte funds - woot!). The 2 days in a room might be an issue, unless they'll let me bring my laptop to brush up on my Mah Jong. I will admit, I would be a bit miffed if I got sent home after the second day, however. Everyone always talks about what tactics they use to get out of having to serve...I plan to do just the opposite. I want to be a part of a trial - I think it would be really interesting!

Anyone have a good jury duty story???? Spill it.

New Mug

Mug
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

La.

Quote!

In regard to Jessica Simpson on The Dukes of Hazzard movie:

"I've never heard a worse Southern accent on an actress and JESSICA IS FROM THE SOUTH. Just TALK, you moron. God."

101 Ways To Look Like an Ass

Regardless of how excited you are to see the UPS man, because he just might have that thing you ordered last week, it's probably in everyone's best interest for you to not ask the UPS man if he has a large package.

Funded by The US Government

Funded by The US Government
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Lookit my shiny new tax return!

Sixteen Candles

In honor of Sean's birthday, I give you a little ditty from The Beatles:

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah (but not really!)
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah (but not really)
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Pie!

Who among you has made a cherry pie? Did you use canned filling, or did you pit the cherries and make it from scratch? Frozen cherries? I'm looking for preferences here....

Yesterday

Ever have one of those days where you don't realize until noon that your underwear is on inside out?

Kids These Days

This is the stupidest shit I've ever seen. I mean, seriously, balls for your truck???

The weather is lame, but it's the PEOPLE who are frightful

If any of you who don't live in Seattle are following our weather, you know it's been a bit crazy for us this winter. We've had so much more snow than normal, that I suspect we're getting used to it. People are actually starting to drive intelligently in spite of the snow! I've only fallen on my ass in the middle of the street once this winter!

I'm learning one of the benefits of my new job - My boss actually cares about the safety of her employees! Thus, snow days all around! This is extremely appreciated, since I live at the highest point in Seattle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_Point%2C_Seattle%2C_Washington). The buses are stuck at the bottom of the hill (even with chains), cab service is booked through the afternoon, and I don't have a sled.

The weather forecast originally stated that we would have snow until about 7am, which would then turn to rain. The snow finally stopped dumping around 9am, and there hasn't been a drop of rain. "Not to worry", says the lady on the television. "The rain will start at any time." Still no rain at 1130am. I've since gone to weather.com, and found that the forecast has changed from rain to "wintery mix". Bartender, serve me up a vodka with a splash of wintery mix, on the rocks.

Can you repeat the question?

HTTP Status 503 - This application is not currently available

type: Status report
message: This application is not currently available
description: The requested service (This application is not currently available) is not currently available.

The More You Know...

Have you ever forgotten to remove a tag on a new clothing item? If you're like me, you've at least forgotten about that sticker on your jeans; The long one with the size printed out.

Today I saw a woman at the bus stop with a santa hat on, with the tag still attached. Being the good person that I am, I asked if she realized this was the case. She informed me that she was aware. In fact, apparently this is some sort of new fashion statement. She said she felt that wearing baggy pants was disrespectful to others, so she had opted to go for the tag trend.

So, I'm to understand that the new fad is to advertise the price of your bling, even if said bling consists of nothing more than a furry santa hat???

My first thought was, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Then I thought "Not only am I confused by a fashion statement, but I have to be informed of it by someone who's older than I." Ouch.

Luckily, it turns out that I should have stuck with the first thought, and ignored the second one. This woman's next statement was, "I'm surprised you even saw the tag; I've been trying to hide it."

Hide it??? So, the goal of this fashion trend is for people to not know you're participating. Huh.

Changes For The Better

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Floss!!!!
2. Clean my disaster of an apartment.
3. Keep it that way.
4. Less alcohol = Fewer hangovers
5. Exercise.
6. Beauty treatment schedule.
7. Return phone calls.

Running on Empty

So, Sean has posted my url on his website! Fantastic...but this poses a bit of a problem. I feel compelled to write new things on my site! (Maybe that was his plan all along...). Well, I can't think of a single thing to write about, which is crazy, because there are always things to write about, right??

If you have any good ideas, please feel free to leave a comment. Otherwise, someone buy me this book!

Overheard

"I don't understand why my sister insists on making anything from scratch for Thanksgiving. It doesn't make that much of a difference in how things taste."

Shoot me in the face right now. Do it.

Questionable Past

The other night Nick was telling me about how easy it is to find someone's email address by simply putting their name into a Google search. Basically, as long as your name and email address are on a website somewhere, it will show up in the search results. To illustrate, he did a Google search for "kim mangan" (with quotes).

At the time, I was in the kitchen making dinner, so I asked him to read off some of the results that might pertain to me. Apparently, rather than dinner, I should have been making a drink.

"There's some stuff about a girl with your name who plays on a softball team in Ohio."
"Here's a link for your Amazon.com wishlist."
"Your Flickr page."
"A link for some chick who works for Anheuser Busch."
"A website for the Thespian troupe you were a part of in school."
"Free Asian Sex Gallery."
"Seriously. It says "kim mangan kent wa" under the website."

Apparently my name and the name of the town where I went to school are now included in spam headers! Have you ever gotten a bit of spam in your inbox which includes a bunch of random phrases? Take the next example, also listed in the Google search:

free diving equipment ... contest cheat. hovertechnics hovercrafts for sale. cancer in bowels. kim mangan kent wa. jefferson county west virginia tax assessor. 1985 Suzuki SP600

Back on Track

A lot has happened since my last post.

I quit my job.

I acquired a learners permit, so that I could help drive on a long road trip.

I took a road trip with Nick to see my Mother, Stepfather, little brother and sister, 1 set of grandparents, and Nick's sister. We also saw the Redwood forest, Crater Lake, and Dave Matthews.

I got a new job.

While You Were Sleeping

This morning I pulled up the NY Times website, and read two front-page articles:

The Food and Drug Administration today approved over-the-counter sales of the “morning-after” contraceptive pill to women 18 and older.

The International Astronomical Union set new guidelines that downsized the solar system from nine planets to eight.

How long have I been in bed?????

Movin' On

Final Draft:

To Whom It May Concern:

Effective immediately, I am resigning my employment at ***** ***** Company.

In recent months I have realized that my immediate work environment does not reflect the respect and dignity that I always hear so much about; Respect and dignity that I feel I deserve.

I have never felt so disrespected in a work environment, much less by a supervisor. To be given the impression that her superiors are in support of such unprofessional behavior is an extreme disappointment.

After four years, this is not an easy step to take, but I feel that it is time to move on.

First Draft:

EFFFFF YOOOOO.

Geekin' Out

Christina Aguilera's new album comes out today! Gah!!!!

Baybee!

Baybee!
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

I'd say that went well.

Go Way. Sleeping.
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Email from my Mother:

*sigh*

*Heavy sigh*

I shoulda known.

*sigh*

Daniel says he isn't surprised.

*sigh*

Does your hair grow fast?

Now how you gonna color it?

Markers?

Paint?

Body Paint???

*sigh*

Open Forum

Girls with buzz cuts.

Discuss.

Only Slightly Behind Schedule

See pictures from the Australia trip here.

For JV

Love you!

Adventure By Way of Email

Sent : Friday, June 16, 2006 1:13 AM
Subject : Not sure what day it is...

So, apparently I'm 17 hours ahead of you! Annoying to realize that my direct deposit wouldn't go through until nearly Saturday, when usually it's available Friday morning! Ah well...I guess I can wait for gift shopping. ;>

Who knew that there would be such a language barrier here! I'm still having issues with ordering coffee...Apparently coffee with cream is termed "white"...Which contrasts with black, so I guess it makes sense...At starbucks I get my usual americano with room, but they don't offer half and half here, so it's milk only...Lame. I find it strangely refreshing to only have seen 2 Starbucks location since arriving in Sydney. And trust me, I've been around the city a bit by now!

Today Nick and I went to and area called The Rocks, which is what I would think of as "old Sydney"...Very cool architecture and neat back alleys, courtyards, etc. Went by the Opera House as well, where we met a very nice gentleman who told us all that we needed to do while in the city...As well as a little history lesson. ;>

Alright...Time running out!
Love you, Kimmi
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Sent : Friday, June 16, 2006 7:07 PM
Subject : Hullo!

Hello again!

So, internet access is on a new phase...Still learning a lot here! The business center at the hotel has access, but you have to prepay for a card, and the minutes are used up in 5 minute increments, so you end up losing time if you don't use all of it in one sitting! The first time we logged on, there were 15 or so minutes left, but when we logged back on yesterday, there were only 6 minutes available! Very strange...So we're using internet cafe's instead...sortof. The internet cafe's here consist of 7-11's with computers set up...Though for all I know at this point, it may be free! The guy seemed confused when I asked to use the internet...Apparently you just sit down and use the computer around here!

I've been told that I don't have much of an American accent...I wonder if the common thought is that most Americans speak with a southern accent...Though Nick didn't get the same comment. Of course, in the states I do get people who can't figure out where I'm from because of my "strange" speech patterns! ;> Ah well, I enjoy being unique!

Don't think I mentioned in previous email, Nick and I visited the Royal Botanic Gardens the first day we were here...Gorgeous...And the strangest things..."Flying foxes"...Basically HUGE bats, that hang from the trees around the park...They look like huge "pods" from far away...But then a bird will fly up and disturb them, and a huge cloud of bats will start flying to other trees...Creepy, but interesting.

We also went to this great little toy shop while in The Rocks yesterday...They mainly focus on puppets...The entire store was underground, and all brick walls...Very old world style...And puppets hanging all over the place! It was crazy, but by far one the coolest shops I've seen...I was fighting the urge to take pictures...It made me feel like a kid! There were some really neat, very LARGE, life-sized puppets that were quite old and from all over the world.

Today we're checking out the warf, and planning for the Chinese Gardens as well as Hyde Park... Later during our trip, we want to take a ferry out to Manly, which is a resort-ish area with lots of sand beaches and good restaurants - reviews to come!

At some point we may visit a place called the Minus5 Bar...A martini bar completely made of ice! Seriously..The bar, benches, even the martini glasses are made of ice! There's a $30AU cover, which includes one free drink, as well as heavy coats, hats and gloves for your stay...And apparently you're only allowed to stay for 30 minutes at a time! Crazy! I'm sure that's something that Michelle will want to do as well, so we'll probably wait until next week when she's arrived.

I'm taking lots of good pictures!
Love you! Kimmi
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Sent : Saturday, June 17, 2006 10:39 PM
Subject : I just want an effing cup of coffee!

Hello again!

I think I finally have this coffee thing figured out. A "flat white" is probably the closest thing I'm going to get to drip with cream, outside of the hotel. We ordered breakfast to our room yesterday, and there was a pot of drip coffee with a pitcher of milk...The milk was steamed, which I found a little strange at first, but it was actually kindof nice. Today we went to a pancake house for breakfast...Quite good. I ordered coffee with milk...A "flat white", which is basically the equivalent of a small latte. When we arrived at our table, the hostess asked us if we would like coffee, a latte, cappucino, etc. I asked for an Americano, and she informed me that such a thing wasn't possible, as everything is percolated. I then asked for a flat white, and later realized, that if they can make lattes and cappucinos, why couldn't they make an Americano??? I'm actually wondering if she thought I was asking for American style coffee, which would be a normal drip (I'm guessing, as usual...).

Spoke with Jeni yesterday...She and Brian arrived in Sydney yesterday morning, and we'll get together tomorrow for a late breakfast...I'm actually quite interested to run some questions by Brian when I see him! ;>

Nick and I have learned the benefits of charging hotel services to your room...We had a buffet breakfast, in house, the first morning we were here. We've also charged internet cards and room service to the room directly. Yesterday when we arrived back to the room in the afternoon, there was a selection of sparkling and still waters, as well as a fresh fruit bowl, on the desk...Wondering if that has anything to do with the amount we have shelled out in the hotel...Nick has helped set up computer systems for restaurants before, and he said that there are "hospitality" programs available, which would send a notification to the front desk depending on your spending levels, so they can then in turn "reward" you. Interesting...I guess we'll end up paying for all of our services in the end anyway, so why not take advantage of charging to the room???

Today we went to a place called Luna Park, which is an amusement park which has been in existence since the '30's...Not too crowded, and very cool artwork! Loving the shopping! I'm not much for shopping usually, but between the exchange rates and the seemingly permanent sales, I'm doing quite well...Kim - You're going to absolutely wet yourself when you see some of these shoes I've purchased!!!!

Love you all! Kimmi
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Sent : Sunday, June 18, 2006 8:47 PM
Subject : we got out!

Nick and I are at Brian's dad's place right now...Free internet - woot! We took the train to an area called Concord West, where the house is. It's so nice to be in a residential area, outside of the city. Brian's sister, Jennifer (ha!) gave me a very informative lecture on coffee...Quite helpful!

With the walk across the bridge, I got a good amount of sun yesterday...Some color on my face and more freckles on my arms! ;> We're learning exactly what is meant by "diamond light" and the reason for the high incidents of skin cancer here...The sun is very bright...All year round! Last night the clouds rolled in, and today it's been sprinkling a bit...The first clouds we've seen since leaving Seattle! We noticed right away that a good majority of the cafes and restaurants don't have much for indoor seating...But they have outdoor heat lamps...Makes sense...Who would want to sit outside in this weather - even if it's cold!

Tomorrow we're meeting back up with everyone on our side of town to take a seafood lunch cruise...And Wednesday is the wedding...Thursday Nick and Michelle are talking about going skydiving...Nick wanted to do that, but I'm afraid of heights, so I suggested that he take Michelle, since she's a bit crazy...And I'm planning to go to the hotel spa! It's a 5 star hotel by AU standards, so seems like the thing to do! ;> The shuttle for skydiving picks them up at 7am, and they should be back by 1pm, so that still gives plenty of time for the group to do some downtown excursions...

Michelle just arrived this morning, and will be leaving for Melbourne with Brian's sister on Friday morning, so unfortunately she won't have much time for siteseeing in Sydney....So, now that Nick and I know what's up with the city, we can play tourguide!

Love you! Kimmi
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Sent : Tuesday, June 20, 2006 10:15 PM
Subject : Winter Solstice....Summer Solstice!

Today is the big day for Brian and Jeni! We just finished the ceremony and now the alcohol is free-flowing. ;> Jeni asked me to sign the marriage certificate, which was quite the honor...Michelle and I were the bridesmaids...My first wedding! I was able to play "bride's assistant" while Jeni was preparing...I couldn't believe how many face brushes I was holding at one time! ;> Really, it was a lovely ceremony...It was held in Brian's dad's backyard, on a brick patio with a fountain nearby...A bird even graced us with song during the vows...

Yesterday Brian's dad took everyone on the seafood lunch cruise, which sailed the perimeter of the entire harbor. Later in the evening when Nick and I went out to dinner, I still felt like I was on a boat!

Alright...I should go take more photos of the reception!
Love you, Kimmi
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Sent : Thursday, June 22, 2006 5:13 PM

My massage yesterday was fantastic! Even the receptionist commented at how relaxed I looked. Nick said when I arrived back at the room I looked like I was doped up and ready to fall over! ;>

Nick was going to go skydiving yesterday while I was at my appointment, but the session was cancelled due to the weather...It finally started raining the day before, and hadn't let up until last night. They rescheduled his trip for today, and it's nice and sunny again, so I'm sure I'll be hearing all about his jump in a few hours.

Last night we all (me, Nick, Jeni, Brian, Brian's dad and his girlfriend, and Michelle) went to a place called Minus5. It's an ice bar! The entire bar is made of ice, from the seats to the glasses that you drink out of! It was about -11C when we were there...Though the temperature does fluctuate slightly, from what I gather. It was quite the experience...And of course, no one had a camera! Ah well...

Michelle and I went to the Hard Rock Cafe yesterday...I'd never been to one, but Michelle collects the souvenir glasses wherever she goes...I felt like such a tourist in there! ;>

Love you all! Kimmi
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Sent : Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:32 AM
Subject : Back Home

Wanted to let you know we made it home safely. We left Sydney at 9pm on Sunday evening, and arrived in Seattle at 945pm on Sunday! Time changes are so funny...

So, the day before we left, we went to a wildlife park where I was able to pet a koala and a wallaby! So cool! One of the staff members told me that the wallabies are hand raised by the staff. When they're born, someone takes them home for 8 months to raise them, so they're very friendly. I also saw a 4 meter crocodile! Crazy. There are wild parakeets in Australia, of which I saw many...Friendly little guys...They came right up to my camera!

The last day we were there, we took a ferry to Manly, a fairly close destination which has sandy beaches...It was a gorgeous day for it...I even shot some nice pictures of surfers.

Good to be home!

Off To Travel The World!

I'm out for a couple of weeks, so posting will be sporadic, at best. But, is it really ever any other way???

Going to Sydney, Australia for 2 weeks, with a day layover in Honolulu on the way, and the possibility of a night in New Zealand as well.

Lots of pictures and stories to come -- Not to mention the ridiculous amount of self portraits that are sure to be taken...

Relaxed And In Great Lighting

Great Lighting
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Nick and I went camping at the beach a few weeks back. Here is one of our signature self-portraits.

I've given up believing that someone else will eventually update my website.

What have I been up to, you may ask yourselves! Well, most recently, I've been researching frozen macaroni and cheese. I have yet to find one that's as good as what I make from scratch, but I must say, Amy's macaroni and cheese with organic pasta is pretty damn good; As good as the picture indicates, I would say.

New Discovery.

Bad Combination:

1. Bowling

2. Reading Glasses

Lightbulb Moment

I spent some time yesterday evening thinking about people from my past - Mostly all of the jackasses that I've dated. I don't mean guys who turned into jackasses, but more the ones that were all along and I just didn't see it. In all of this reminiscing I came to the conclusion that the one thing they all had in common was that they shared traits with my father. I'm not saying that I think my dad is a jackass. Just, well, my father is the guy that most dads warn their daughters about.

Mornings Are Dangerous

This was taken about 10 minutes ago. I'm still wearing the helmet.

Kept To Myself

You should stop wearing those pants. They're just awful.

Good Friends

Good Friends
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

My good friend Kim brought these to me at work yesterday!

Cricket Likes the Cheap Stuff

Cricket Likes the Cheap Stuff
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Devil Kitty!!!

Devil Kitty!!!
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Blogging Rampage!

I haven't posted in a while!!!! I'm posting now! A rampage of photos, comin' up!

Ode To Joy And The Yummy Coffee You Make For Me In The Mornings.

Still Life Without Tongues
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

You're so nice. I like you a lot. My friends like you too. That's neat because I never have to worry about defending us. Some of my friends, even though they like you, say that you should stop setting the bar so high with all the nice things you do, like bringing me coffee in the morning. I just tell them to shut-up.

I think it's nice that we're so comfortable together. Unfortunately I still have to draw the line with farting in front of you, even though you try to encourage me by saying that I'll be more comfortable if I just get it over with already.

I like that I can be goofy around you, and you think it's funny, and not stupid. I can say "Maaaarrryyyyyy", and you get it. We both like to play Scrabble! Remember a few weeks ago, when we were cracking jokes about Scrabble, and we figured out that we both have the scores memorized for each letter? It was amusing at the time, but please don't tell anyone, okay?

Anyway, I should get going. Y'know how your friends always comment that I don't actually work when I'm at the office? Yeah.

Zee Cake

Zee Cake
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Here we see a bittersweet chocolate cake with semisweet chocolate truffles and silk rose pedals. Coffee, anyone?

Snow Dancing

Snow Dancer
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Went snowshoeing across a frozen lake last weekend, and lived to tell the tale!

Now With Less Tongue!!!

Cheese
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Accountability and The Art of Preventative Maintenance

I remember being warned that my pants would someday shrink, but I didn't expect it to be isolated to the hips and thighs area.

I've always hovered around the 120-125lb range, but when I went to my yearly checkup two months ago, I weighed in at 135. I wasn't terribly concerned about it at the time, because I wasn't "enjoying" the "benefits" of weight gain yet. Yet. In just the last 2 week, some of my pants don't fit right anymore.

Okay, let's recap: 2 months ago I weight 135, and my pants still fit fine. Now they don't fit. Therefore...one can deduce that I weigh MORE than 135. Ugh. By Hollywood standards, I am officially a heifer, and should be taken out back to be put out of my misery.

Now, before you all roll your eyes and start a "Fatty VS Skinny 2006" riot, I know that I'm totally healthy. I recognize that I look great, but the tight clothes bit is really bothering me. I don't want to wake up in 10 years, with an "office ass", feeling like it's too late to do something about it. By then I will be considering letting someone send me to the glue factory. (Hmmm....glue. I bet if I went on a glue diet, I would lose weight!)

This is where the preventative maintenance and accountability part comes in. I'm asking my readers to hold me accountable to start MOOOVING (ha!). I don't have lofty goals yet. I just want to start doing some crunches and maybe lunges in the evening. So, what I ask of you, my loyal audience, is to send me a quick email daily, weekly, whatever, to check in and make sure that I'm moving on a regular basis. (and I don't mean chair shimmies - get off your ASS, Kim!)

My pants and I will greatly appreciate it.

Need. No, want. No....NEED.

Anyone who gets paid to window shop is alright in my book. This is one of my favorite websites. This is the new thing that I want from said website. Hey! YOU. It's almost Valentine's Day! I know I said the holiday wasn't a big deal, but I want this.

Deja Vu???

Disclaimer: No, I'm not trying to copy this post.

Saturday morning I'm dreaming that I'm brushing my teeth. I spit a huge bubbly wad of saliva all over my pillow.

Through New Eyes.

I finally broke down and figured out how to program my coffee brewer to run in the mornings. I've always avoided the option, because I'm a bit of a coffee purist - especially when it comes to freshly ground beans.

I've since learned that perspective is vastly different at 6 am. Besides, it's really neat to turn the alarm off and hear gurgling and hissing coming from the kitchen! Another benefit to coffee before work? I'm noticing things on my commute that I've never paid attention to before! There are some really neat stores that I have been passing for *3* years...I should really get around to checking them out sometime...

Speaking of Blowjobs....And Then Not...

I'm wearing a new shirt that has horizontal stripes. I look damn good in it. This is my way of telling the fashion world to "suck it".

In other news, I've been reminded of how amazing it can be to have someone make coffee for you in the morning and bring it to you in bed before work. Thank you, Wonderful Coffee Maker Person! (This is the part that isn't about blowjobs.)

bush_bj
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Email Of The Day: Water Intake

Is your pee clear yet?

Grasshoppa say 'Only when one can drink what come out, can one be confident about putting enough in'

Conversation Pieces Take a New Turn

http://www.showercurtainart.com/thumbpage.html

Great Expectations....Fulfilled!

I had a wonderful Christmas, despite being horribly ill all weekend. More to come (pictures included!) just as soon as I'm able to type a complete sentence without getting distracted by my cold medicine stupor.

A Thank You Letter. Of Sorts.

So, I was hiding in my bed this morning when you called. I was still in a sleep stupor, so I opted not to answer. I started to wonder why you might be calling, since you've never called in the morning, and I thought, "Hey, maybe she's calling to tell me that they closed the office building for some reason. That would be nice..." Then I thought, "Dammit Kim, quit making excuses and get your ass out of bed!" So, then I took a shower, and remembered it was Friday, so I didn't feel guilty about putting on my favorite ratty jeans for work...Then I remembered that I'm going over to Nick's for dinner tonight, so I packed my favorite comfy pants...then I was waiting for the bus, and I listened to the message that you left...and it was such a great way to start my morning! I didn't even get bent out of shape when the person sitting next to me was so close that we were touching, which usually really bugs the hell out of me! Then...then I defied your thoughts on what a good person I am! So, the seat on the other side of me, the one that was not occupied by The Person Who Was Sitting So Close That We Were Touching? You know the one. Well, that seat had a few red and green candy sprinkles on it. A guy boarded the bus and took that seat without looking first, and I didn't say anything to him about the sprinkles, because, well, if you're going to ride public transportation, and you don't look at the seat before you sit down, you deserve what's coming. Then he got up at his stop, and I giggled a little inside...he had sprinkles stuck to his pants...then I giggled a little more inside when I thought to myself, "Cupcake Butt!". So, you see, I'm not nearly so good a person as you would like to think.

In Retrospect...

Not such a great idea to paint while drinking, as the roller has a tendency to get out of control. I have purple outlets and light switches in my dining room now. Oh, and purple smudges on the ceiling.

Shiny

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Future in Speech Writing

A Baker's Work Is Never Done
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

I reckon that Plan A ain’t workin’ out so well, so let’s move to Plan B and get ‘er done. What we’re gonna do is, build us a cookie army, and beat the tarnation outta The Evil Doers. (i.e. “Baby Jesus Haters”).

Karma's Blessings

Got a PROMOTION! Got a PROMOTION! PROMOTION. PROMOTION.

Hee.

The Final Chapter - Brilliant

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

This was Brady's take on the situation. I love him and his mad photoshop skills!

Progression Of Boredom.

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Below you will see a series of pictures depicting the boredom that has overtaken my group at work. We came in this morning to find a butter knife covered in jelly, lying on the floor by the refrigerator. The rest of the images don't really need explanation.

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Shake Yer Money Maker!

I was listening to NPR last night, and they were covering a story about virtual reality games. They interviewed a guy who plays War Craft. Apparently you can sign into the game network, and your character wanders around the environment, interacting with other people who are playing on the network. One of the goals of the game is to collect gold and weapons, such as swords. The interviewee was saying that this particular aspect of the game has become a money-making scheme of it's own. Apparently if you obtain gold or weapons, you can sell them on Ebay for actual money. Trading virtual currency for dollars. Amazing.

Of course, it doesn't end on Ebay. From the NPR website article:

There are individuals and groups in Asia and Eastern Europe where people are paid a very low wage to play characters for long hours -- with the sole purpose of making virtual money that will later be converted into real money.

The farmer's character will try to make the most amount of money during his shift -- some are rumored to have quotas. In order to do this, the characters perform certain tasks that are guaranteed to make money -- killing monsters that drop large amounts of money, and going on quests that yield valuable in-game items like weapons and armor.

The farmers then sell their items through online sites.

Anyone else find this strange, and maybe even a little frightening???

Turkey Shmurkey.

I love stuffing. It's my favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner. I would even go so far as to say that I love it more than canned cranberries. (I like them from the can.) Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, eating a bowl full of stuffing. I thought it would make a nice lunch, and I was so right.

Survey time! What's your favorite Thanksgiving food item?

A New Level Of Awesome

Apparently farting in bed automatically grants you an honorary penis.

Who knew?

Memories That Haunt Me, Part 2. (OR – Put down the frying pans and butter knives and BREATHE.)

I guess I need to clarify a few things regarding a previous post (part 1, duh.) Apparently there are those of you who now think that my entire childhood was a dreadful experience. Let me say now that this is not the case. I did have some good times, and I also had bad times. I certainly was not trying to insinuate that all of my negative experiences were a result of one person’s actions, and I definitely wasn't trying to encompass my entire early life in that one post; I don’t think anyone could do that in 5 small paragraphs. I was simply sharing a memory of one specific afternoon.

I like that my website creates an emotional response. I want people to feel something when they read what I have to say. I would prefer a happy or even sad response, but I can run with anger too.

Please know that I will never apologize for the content of my website. I put a lot of thought into my entries, and they’re all a part of who I am. I enjoy having this medium to put myself out there for everyone to see, but sometimes honesty can take us down unexpected paths. Part 1 took most of a week to get just right before publishing – I hope that no one thinks I take this task lightly.

With that, enjoy my website. Laugh. Cry. Gnash your teeth. But please don’t pass judgment.

An Open Letter

Dear Peanut Gallery,

The drama you're creating is really adding to the traffic that my site receives! As much as I love the added readership, it’s getting a little out of hand. Let me outline a few points for you.

Most importantly, we’re not in high school anymore, m’kay?

Please don’t use my website as a vehicle for bringing general nastiness to light. Only I get to do that. I love comments, and I value every opinion, but being that I am the administrator of my website, I reserve the right to delete comments at will. I like having the comment option available for the fun and witty things, but I’m not interested in any cutting remarks, especially when they aren't about the specifics of the original post.

On that note, please limit your comments to the subject at hand! You're more than welcome to disagree with anything that I post on my website. You can even express your disagreement by way of commenting; Just refrain from being nasty, of course. It’s not the disagreement that bothers me. What bothers me is your tendency to bring other subjects and people into the conversation, which might not belong there.

I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate randomness. By all means, leave a comment that says “Applesauce” after this post. However, I have to politely ask you to knock off the passive-aggressive bullshit.

Since I’ve stopped allowing anonymous commenting, you obviously have your own blog. If you can’t follow these simple requests, maybe you should stick to posting in your own space.

Thank you!

Here We Go Again

Holiday baking orders are coming in at full speed! Usually I keep track of orders on a pad of legal paper, which has always made me just a little bit insane. So, to make things harder for myself, I decided that post-it notes were the way to go this time around. Monday I received about 5 Thanksgiving pie orders, a Christmas party order for 6 dozen cookies, and promises of 2 rather large Christmas basket orders. It's not even a full week before Thanksgiving yet, and I'm already trying to decide which days in December would be the most strategic for taking vacation from The Job That Pays The Bills, so that I have time for all of this baking! Yesterday, as I was trying to organize all of this on the piece of paper that resides IN MY HEAD, I thought the same thing that I think every year during the 3rd week of November. "What the hell have I gotten myself into???"

Post-it notes aren't cutting it anymore.

I made an Excel spreadsheet in an effort to obtain some sense of organization. I have everything broken down by order and grocery shopping requirements, listed in chronological order by date.

Okay. Hold on. Did you read that last part? I actually wrote out grocery lists for each order, and figured out the date that I need to go shopping for ingredients for each individual order. Then, I put all of this information on AN EXCEL SPREADSHEET.

Chillin'

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

My %*#!$&@ Computer Won't Work, But My Eyebrows Look Fantastic!

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Memories That Haunt Me, Part 1(?)

I'm coming to terms with some memories from my childhood. There are people who would say the best route to resolution is "forgive and forget", but for now I'm just working on admitting that I've been hurt. I may never come to forgive those who helped create my worst memories, but I'm okay with that.

I remember when I was 11, and I went to live with my aunt for what would come to be 4 years. My mother came to visit shortly after I had moved in, and I was so excited to see her. She arrived, and as an 11 year old who felt incredibly displaced, all I wanted to do was be near her. Even if I wasn't part of the conversation, just to be in the same room, sitting nearby, was a great comfort at the time.

Unfortunately this feeling was short-lived, on account of my cousin's need of a playmate. She must have been about 6 at the time, a great age difference to an 11 year old. Needless to say, the last thing I wanted to do was play "dress-up" or "Barbie" that afternoon. Said cousin was less than pleased with my lack of interest in playing that day, and in being true to form, went to her mother to have the situation straightened out. My aunt insisted that I play with my cousin. I had learned early-on in my transition, that any resistance to my aunt's wishes was reason for an "attitude adjustment" so I reluctantly went to the basement play-room with a very contented cousin.

I didn't see much of my mother that day.

I haven't thought of this day in quite some time, but the other morning I woke up and it was the first thing on my mind. I remembered it so clearly, and the familiar feelings of resignation flooded me. I laid in bed and cried that morning like I haven't in a very long time. It felt so good, but so very draining at the same time. At that moment, it was perfect.

I don't really know why I posted this. I guess it's been on my mind all week, and I needed to get it out. Maybe I just needed to put it out there to say, "I can be hurt and survive." I don't know what the reason, but it feels good.

Happy Halloween!

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

It's Stuff! On Cats!

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

Saturday Afternoon

Saturday Afternoon
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

The Last Hurrah
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

This was the final picture taken last night. I feel like ass today.

Lookin' Up, Kim Style

Sanity
Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

I'm feeling a bit better. This changes from day-to-day, but for now, I'm feeling pretty good. Last night when I arrived home, I was greeted by a lovely bouquet of flowers, complete with a Halloween card. Yes, I said a Halloween card. It made me smile. The best part was that inside said Halloween card, in the midst of many nice things, it said "Happy Hump Day". I love that card.

So that was nice.

I decided to make myself a nice dinner. My usual staple of "easy meal" took a new fabulous turn when I made a quesadilla with cheddar, pepper jack, smoked cheddar, feta, fresh oregano and chopped tomatoes, all grilled up in a frying pan. I decided to cook it slow, so that all of the flavors would have time to meld, and I could relax a bit before devouring my meal.

Just as I turned the burner on, Heifer started to eat my flowers. Well, not the flowers, but the green stuff. He loves the greenery in a bouquet. So, I'm trying to wrestle with him, when I notice Cricket scooting across the tile floor on her butt. She does this sometimes, and usually I find it amusing, but about the time she hit the carpet, I realized, there are poop streaks all over my hallway. Leave Heifer to continue eating my flowers. Pick up Cricket in football grip, so as not to get poo on my clothes, and head to the bathroom. Sit down on the toilet and investigate. Crickets ass and surrounding fur are covered in crap. HOW DID SHE DO THIS???? I went to work...First with toilet paper, then upgraded to an old rag with warm water. I must say, she did very well, considering I was pulling at the hair around her asshole. Poor thing.

Cricket's clean, I'm clean, Heifer's demolished most of my greenery. Quesadilla is ready to flip. Perfect timing. I can do this! It's the Poop Ballet!

Flip quesadilla, decide I really want a glass of wine, knowing that I only have a few bottles, which I've been saving for a special occasion. Decide to celebrate my sanity with the most expensive bottle that I own.

So very very worth it.

EFF You, Tom Cruise, And I Hope That's Exactly What Katie Holmes Says When You Try To Keep Her From Medicating Her Post-Partum Depression.

Alright. We're off to a good start!

You might not hear from me for awhile. Well, unless something really funny happens, like someone falling on their face while trying to board the bus....That's just funny, People.

Those of you who know me even a little bit, know that I blush easily. It was always really fun when I was 15 and my 3 older sisters would take turns randomly saying "SEX!" to see just how red I would turn. Well, luckily I've gotten over that, because I have some pretty socially ungraceful friends. Whenever I blush, everyone gets a big kick out of it. "Hey everybody, look how red Kim just turned!" "Oh my god, even her arms are red! Look!" Nice. Well, the blushing thing isn't fun anymore. Now it's turned into full-blown anxiety, and I don't have any way of explaining why the hell I feel the way that I do on a daily basis.

On my last post I told about being asked to run a meeting. That was on Monday of this week. I had a little chat with my boss yesterday about that blog post. She's assured me that I would never be forced to do something that makes me uncomfortable. She said that I'm great at my job, and that I continually impress her with my ability to take on new projects and even create them on my own. I know all of this, but I still can't shake that feeling. Let me say that I love my job. I do. I enjoy what I do and I value those that I work with. I truly have it made in the job department. In spite of all this, I couldn't go to work this morning. I couldn't deal with this horrible fear that something might happen that would make me uncomfortable.

Since Monday I have spent every afternoon trying to keep myself sane between bouts of nausea. See, I know, logically, that the meeting conversation was just an offer made in case I might be interested in running a meeting but hadn't spoken up. No biggie. However, in my crazy head, it's become a looming threat. "What if someone of higher importance wants me to run a meeting one day? Will they think less of me if I say no? Will they understand that I just can't do that sort of thing? When are people going to start noticing that I'm not actually good at my job??? Am I just going to fall through the cracks and be one of those useless employees who manages to stick around through the years? Do they already realize that I'm not good at my job, and I just haven't made that revelation yet???"

Welcome to my world.

Everytime that someone stops by to visit the person sitting in the cube next to me, I listen to their hushed conversations and become engulfed in an unwarranted paranoia that they might be talking about me. Logically? Well, I know that I'm really not that important, and even if they are talking about me, who really cares. But the reality is that I'm convinced that they are, and regardless of what they're saying according to my created scenario, it makes me feel horrible.

Now, some of you might be thinking, "Gee, Kim, I know you like your job and all, but is it really worth all this trauma?" You're absolutely right, and if it were just about work, I would take some serious action. Enter Exibit "Mind Fuck":

1. I've stopped letting my cats outside because I'm absolutely convinced that one of them will get hit by a car. Now that they are inside all day, I sit at work and worry that something will happen. "What if my little Hiefer jumps up on the counter, and when he jumps back down, a knife falls on him???" This isn't just a passing thought. I dwell on this all day.

2. I started having night terrors about 2 months ago. I wake up absolutely terrified for no reason. I feel as though someone has been holding me down, and I am so scared, that I can't even scream. This has led to a fear of someone entering my apartment. When I get home from work in the evening, I engage all 3 locks on my door. Sometimes I sleep on my couch so that I will wake up more quickly if someone tries to get in at night.

I had an appointment for an annual girly exam today. I love those. I especially like it when they rub my cervix with that bristle brush. Good times. So, the nurse came in to take my blood pressure. Everything's fine. We chatted a bit about why I was there. No big deal. The first mistake was her leaving me there for nearly 30 minutes waiting for my doctor. In being true to form, my mind started to wander to horrible things. "What if she finds something wrong???" I finally got control of that, and thought, "Y'know, maybe I should talk to her about all of these things that have been bothering me so much. I might have an anxiety disorder. Maybe some medication would help keep me balanced." Seemed like a good idea to me. But, the story doesn't end there, of course...what fun would that be?? "What if she wants me to start seeing a counselor? What if I need something more immediate than that??? What if she prescribes drugs, and they make me feel worse? What if I find something that works, but I have to take 5 other drugs just to deal with side-effects???"

Isn't this game fun?

My doctor, who I absolutely trust and adore, walked in the room, and gave her usual cheery hello, to which I respond with a fit of crying. I finally calmed myself down, and started to tell her what had been plaguing me for the past 2 months. Apparently this crying business actually works, as my doctor has diagnosed me with "Generalized Anxiety Disorder". Do you know what this means? It means that I'm scared shitless of everything that could happen in the confines of my head.

I'm taking a very low dose of anti-anxiety medication. With the small amount that I'm taking, we should be able to catch any reverse or side-effects before they get out of hand. Yes, I'm a little scared, but I have to believe it will be worth it, because I'm so tired of feeling this way. I don't know if any of you have dealt with depression or anxiety, but it's absolutely exhausting.

I hate that I have fears just like everyone else, but rather than letting them pass I dwell on them all day. I hate that I love my job but I'm afraid to go there. I hate that I love my apartment, and until 2 months ago I wanted to spend every moment there, but now I'm so fearful and uncomfortable when I'm there.

I have to believe that this will help.

A Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On

During a meeting I had with my supervisor awhile back, I expressed an interest in becoming more comfortable with public speaking. Since that time, I have had a small moment of standing in front of a limited group. Yes, I was bright red and nervous the entire time, but I did it. Looking back, it wasn't that big of a deal, considering the subject matter and the members of the small group.

Recently I was asked if I would be interested in running a conference call meeting. I just started laughing and told her absolutely not, under any circumstances, will I ever be interested in running a meeting. Ever. Said person reminded me that I wanted public speaking opportunities, to which I responded, "Yeah, well I just changed my mind on that."

See, standing in front of a small group of people that I know very well is pretty intimidating for me. Running a meeting? Paralyzing. I don't mean to say that it makes me nervous, I mean to express that the mere thought of doing such a thing scares the living hell out of me.

Example A:

Today I was sitting at my desk, working as usual when my mind started to wander. I had created a scenario where the Big Boss Man asked me to present something during a meeting. Nothing big, just a contribution that I would be able to make to a Large. Group. Of. Important. People. By the time I came back from this little day dream, I was just about beside myself, tearing up, bright red, and even shaking a little.

Don't ask me for another example. I'm all worked up just thinking about Example A!

Originally uploaded by pastry_child.

These shoes are pure torture, but so very very hot.

Left For Dead...

So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you,
But you never even see me.

~Coldplay